Clerical Error Leads To Google Running Ireland on
Sunday November 19, 2017
 The Grapevine
Written by Sherman Balderdash

Although Facebook’s acquisition of Whatsapp has created some ripples in the financial markets, Google seems to have accidentally outdone the social media giant. In what appears to have started as a simple clerical error, Google will be taking over the running of Ireland. Initially NAMA erroneously put Leinster House up for bidding to attract large multinational companies, mistaking it for a business gone under and Google’s property acquisition team saw what they thought was an old government building and snapped it up.

Obvious legal issues seem to have been swept aside as a member of the Dáil is quoted as saying “Well at first we were outraged but we didn’t think we could really say no to Google, come on it’s Google like. It would been a bit awkward you know? And they’re a pretty cool company when you think about it.”

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Written by Sherman Balderdash

A new viral video of Samuel L. Jackson involved in a media mishap has emerged just a few days after the now infamous clip of the Hollywood star’s reaction to being mistaken for Matrix star Lawrence Fishburne.

Jackson, who has starred in over 100 movies and is the highest grossing actor of all time, reportedly lost his cool when a reporter from E! entertainment news asked him if he was going to be involved again in the new Star Wars films.
“Star Wars? I wasn’t even in Star Wars. What the fuck are you talking about? You do realize that not all black actors look the same? I wasn’t in Flight, or Training Day or  Shawshank. Star Wars, was there even a black guy in Star Wars?”

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Written by Sherman Balderdash

The Melting Press can exclusively reveal that John Waters fled the country late last week and has spent the last several days  in Moscow by personal invitation of Vladamir Putin. Waters, aged 58, was recently accused by gay rights activist Rory O’Neill of being a homophobe live on national broadcaster RTÉ’s Saturday Night Show. The veteran Irish Times columnist was part of a group that threatened legal action on the grounds of defamation and reports suggest that RTE paid out a sum of €40,000 alone to Mr.Waters in a premptary settlement.

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Written by Sherman Balderdash

Some minor snow showers accompanying the rain throughout yesterday morning and afternoon sent the nation into a panic as people recalled ‘The Night Of The Big Wind’ in 1839, ‘The Big Snow’ of 1947 and most recently the relatively harmless standstill the country was brought to by Hurricane Katia back in 2010.

Newer Irish residents from both across the Atlantic and Eastern Europe watched with bafflement and bemusement as Irish people began boarding up windows and prematurely looting shops on Henry Street yesterday as the snow fell in a lackluster manner. A mob was reported to have gathered outside a grit supply depot in Tipperary as people tried to hoard grit. “This time we’ll be ready, those cunts won’t catch us out this year!” one looter was quoted as saying.

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